Embarrassed and self guilt…

This evening I have received a rude passive aggressive text message (through our third party due to no contact being allowed) from him in relation to a parents evening that was last week. Our daughter has been at school for four years and only once has he been to a parents evening, he never volunteers there or helps with homework, rarely checks her book bag and yet tonight it is my fault he didn’t know about parents evening!

The letter went home on a day that he had her and I never received it, due to us now living totally seperate lives I just assumed he had the letter and had made his own appointment. I never kicked up a fuss or accused him of shutting me out, I simply made my own appointment when I heard about it from another parent.

Why am I always the one to be rationale and understanding, making excuses for him. I’ll tell you why, because it doesn’t matter to me. Aslong as I know how my daughter is getting on and she is safe and well at home I don’t care if he had the letter.

Narcissistic, dominant, controlling people can’t think like that. He hates that he didn’t have control for once. There is absolutely nothing stopping him from contacting the school and askinh for copies of letters or following on social media but no, it is much easier to blame me! That weak girl once allowing him to do this but not today, he won’t win!

Instead I’ve been the bigger person, responded appropriately to his message and contacted the school requesting them to forward all letters to him via email so he has a copy and therefore no blame can be placed on me!

Still after these years I’m picking up after him, ensuring he’s happy and why? Who knows. I’m either weak or stupid or maybe just maybe, I am to blame and I should have told him about the parents evening. I don’t even know anymore.

Once more I’m left asking myself if I’ve made the right decision about sticking up to him and having him arrested. However once more I remember that I’m stronger than that and I did do the right thing!

 

Author: wesurviveditall

twenty seven years old, survivor of an abusive relationship, mother to one brave, strong willed and loving little girl. Writing this blog for all those looking for answers or a way out, a little bit of reassurance that you can survive too.

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