An outsider looking in…

Are you a friend or family member worried about someone?

A co-worker that’s been concerned for a while?

Noticed odd behaviour or marks on someone you love?

Please understand that when someone is in such an abusive relationship it’s down to them when they tell. It’ll be when they are ready, please don’t push them. They need you so much but they are too fragile and too frightened, ashamed maybe and conscious of what people may think. Please remember they are likely to be having it drummed into them that no-one will believe them, no-one wants to know because the abuser is the only person that cares about them.

My god mother, someone who helped raised me and I love very dearly was the one who spoke to me about it what was going on. She’d noticed and had decided to ask me about it, noone had noticed before so when she did I couldn’t hide my emotions and I broke down in tears.

Finally I felt like I had some extra support and a chance of getting help.

I remember praying that one day someone would hear me, a stranger walking past or a neighbor but no-one ever did. However now I can see that even if someone had heard or my family had noticed I’d have lied, covered it up or dismissed it because I wasn’t ready. It would have made it worse also, I can’t even begin to imagine the repercussions for him finding out someone knew or having the police knock at our door, so I’m glad noone did.

I could have lied to my godmother but I wasn’t ready, I was tired and running out of fight so she saved me.

For that I’ll be forever grateful, and now it’s all out in the open about what was happening I can see it on my loved ones faces, the guilt that they didn’t notice but believe me I did a good job at acting and I didn’t want anyone to know. It doesn’t mean that they didnt love me or didn’t care, victims of domestic abuse become global winning actors trust me and I was very good. I was bullied into believing that no-one would believe me and that everyone would believe I was a bad mother, that he’d take my daughter away so why would I tell anyone or allow anyone to guess.

Please don’t push the loved one your trying to protect, just be there when they need you the most, when they are ready xxx

Author: wesurviveditall

twenty seven years old, survivor of an abusive relationship, mother to one brave, strong willed and loving little girl. Writing this blog for all those looking for answers or a way out, a little bit of reassurance that you can survive too.

2 thoughts on “An outsider looking in…”

  1. It must be excruciating to be on the outside, knowing what your loved one is going through and being unable to help. I agree that you shouldn’t push, but it also may take a slight nudge. Like your godmother, one of my allies gently but bluntly told me that she knew something was wrong. Sometimes that’s all it takes, just one person to say, “I know.” From there, the door is opened slightly, and that can change everything.

    Liked by 1 person

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