That daunting thought of meeting someone new…
I’m not sure I can imagine being with someone else, trusting someone else or letting someone else in.
I have a wall up, my nick name at work is the ice queen. I don’t let people in and I have a real issue with trusting people, quite understandable if I’m honest.
I’ve let two people in since I left my daughter’s father. The first one was probably the best thing to ever happen to me, he was so kind and lovely. He was the total opposite, the sweetest most gentle man I’ve met. I messed it up, I wasn’t ready, I couldn’t let anyone in. I’d been brainwashed into believing that I was damaged goods, I was the causer of all our issues and I would never find anyone else. Due to all of this I pushed him away, I wanted to be with him so badly but I hurt him, I said nasty things and I made him believe I never loved him. If i could take back anything it wouldn’t be not to meet my daughter’s father because obviously I wouldn’t have her or all the life lessons, it would be to treat him right and ensure I told him how I felt.
Instead I pushed him away, I met the next person I was fooled into letting in. He took advantage of that, he began to behave in the same way my daughter’s father did. Luckily I saw it, probably not as soon as if have liked but I saw it and I stopped it.
I’ve never looked back, I’ve learned a lot lately. One thing is not to be walked all over, never again will I be treated the way I was. The first sign of someone not trusting or believing in me I push away. I don’t need that negatively and disbelief in mine and my daughters life.
My dream is to meet someone, find someone to love me and my little girl for who we are, what we’ve been through and help us build our future.
I don’t need anyone, I can do it all alone but who wants to be alone. I was victim to years of abuse, a nasty bully and I’m done with letting my past rule my future. I’m ready to start moving on with my life now.